Ok. First off, I know it's been a SUPER long time since I've written anything. Like everyone who starts a blog, I had high hopes that I was going to turn this into my own personal outlet for anything I wanted to talk about, with specific attention paid to my upcoming nuptials.
Well, that didn't quite happen the way I thought it would!! ;-)
It's not that there wasn't a lot to talk about with regard to the wedding, it was just that I didn't feel like writing about it. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was going to be giving away all the details about the wedding. I really didn't like that. So, I decided to stop writing because I wanted people to have that sense of excitement, and of surprise, when the day finally rolls around.
On that note, let me give a summary of the past year without giving too many details away.
Today is Sunday, March 4th, 2012. I asked Devon to marry me on March 5th, 2011. So, we're basically exactly one year from the proposal, leap day included. What's going on? What have we done? What do we have left?
In other words: What's changed?
Well, as I type this, I'm listening to my new favorite band Volbeat. Friggin amazing music. Intense lyrics. They're from Denmark, so when they sing in English, there's a pretty heavy accent that accompanies it. When I actually look up the lyrics, I get the full depth of all of their songs.....and it's beautiful. But anyway....
I'm typing, and Devon is putting together the invitations that we're going to be sending out very shortly. All I have to say is that they're much better in person than I could have imagined from the pictures. We ordered them from Etsy, like we've ordered pretty much all of the decorations that we'll be using. Neither of us are very crafty. Not to mention the fact that neither of us has a whole lot of time to do things like that.
That's the other thing that's changed. Our jobs. I'm now a Supervisor in the Overhead Line Department at work. Devon is in charge of her own people at the college. Sometimes it can suck in our positions, mainly due to the work load and the various headaches that come with being in positions of authority. But, we actually kind of thrive in environments like that. It hasn't been easy, but we're doing it.
Back to the wedding though, we did make a pretty big decision about our officiant. It was spur of the moment, but we haven't regretted it since. We were at the beautiful wedding of a few friends of ours, Tara (Noyes) & John Newcombe, when we were talking amongst ourselves about how their officiant, a man of the cloth, kept things kind of light and funny. It was awesome and we wanted someone like that.
However, neither of us is religious, so we thought to ourselves, "What are we going to do?" The answer hit us like a sack of bricks: We would get one of our friends to marry us!!!! But who??
There was really only one choice: Justin Ausanka. He is one of my closest friends, Devon loves him, and he's been nothing but supportive of us. While we may not agree on some issues (politics), there's a bond there that just can't be denied.
So, we asked him at the Noyes-Newcombe wedding and we were blown away by his reaction. He had tears in his eyes when he said yes. That's how much he loves us and how much we love him back. We couldn't picture anybody else marrying us and that's the way it SHOULD be!!
We also have some AMAZING people who are going to do readings at the wedding: John Skrzypczak and Jessica Ortiz. These two are so important to us that it was a no-brainer to ask them. On top of that, they do have some great readings to do. And, if you know us, the readings are going to be just as ridiculous as we can be!!!
That's pretty much all I want to divulge about the plans right now. Like I said, I want there to be some surprise. However, there is one other thing I want to bring up...
It's been one year since I've made the most important decision of my life. I asked Devon, who I cannot imagine my life without, to marry me. Since I can't imagine my life without her, I wanted to make sure she didn't have to live her life without me. So, the day after I asked her, I decided to change my lifestyle completely.
I stopped eating junk food at every opportunity. I started living healthier. In one year, I've lost 80 pounds. I still have another 20-30 that I'd like to lose, but I've never felt better in my entire life. My body has changed completely. My fitness has become something I never thought I would have. I'm slimmer (not skinny, because I don't want to be :), stronger, faster, and have much more endurance. I've dropped clothing sizes like you read about.
However, the best confirmation I could have gotten happened to me twice this week. The first time, my new doctor told me that the weight I've lost in the time I've lost it was the best way to do it. He said that what I've done is sustainable and fantastic!
The second time, I was walking through the mall today when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I almost didn't recognize myself. I'm not used to liking pictures of myself, or even my own reflection. But, this time, I thought I looked hot! Seriously. That's never really happened before.
Asking Devon to marry me was the best thing to happen in my life.
Liking myself has been a very close second.
THAT is what it's supposed to feel like when everything starts to come together. I just can't wait another 82 days until this marriage "thing" happens!!
TC
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Arguments and Misunderstandings: They're Going to Happen, Just Remember What's Important
So, according to the date stamp on my previous post, it appears as though it's been almost a month since I've created a new entry. Also, I've had a few people tell me that I need to write a new entry. Well, here it is, back by popular demand!! (Ok, maybe it was just 2 or 3 people, but that's popular enough for me)
Anyway, I spent a good couple hours debating about what I wanted to write about this time. Was it going to be about decorations, or possible special vehicle choice (more on that at a later date), or be more fashion centric? Naaaaah. I decided it was going to be about something WAY more interesting. Arguments and Misunderstandings!
It's inevitable. You are going to argue about something with the person you're going to marry. They are going to misinterpret something you say, or you're going to misinterpret something they say.
In the interest of full disclosure, and so you don't think I try to make it sound like I have more wisdom than I know what to do with, I can be a dick. I'm stubborn. I'm loud. I'm obnoxious. This makes me especially susceptible to getting into arguments. I tend to misunderstand what someone is trying to say if I feel like they're not being clear enough, and then I escalate. Ask my wonderful fiancee Devon, she will agree with me 100%.
Fortunately, I have found someone who is not a fan of escalation. So, as I am getting worked up, so is she, but she internalizes a lot of things. This makes our arguments not as bad as I've experienced in the past.
In my defense, a lot of times I just need to get my frustrations out and then I'm much more agreeable. I'm not saying that it's right, it's just one way of coping.
Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is this, when you and your future partner-in-marriage are arguing about some detail of the wedding, ask yourself this: Is this really important??
Whether you're arguing about flowers, colors, guests, ANYTHING, does it really matter? Is your marriage going to be much more successful because you won the argument about not inviting weird Cousin Sally? No. It really won't be.
I fall victim to this, just like my fiancee does, just like I'm sure anyone reading this does. These little details about your wedding day are ultimately insignificant. When you look back on your wedding day 10, 20, 50 years from now, you're not going to remember if weird Cousin Sally was there. You won't remember if you went with this photographer over that photographer.
What you will remember, if you've made your marriage successful, is that you married someone who ultimately was an amazing partner in your life. You're going to remember the look in his eye as he said "I do". You're going to remember the tears in her eye as you recited your vows. And, I guarantee this part, you're only going to remember seeing each other as she comes walking down the aisle. No one else is going to exist in that moment except for the two of you.
Remember that: no one else in that moment except for the two of you. THAT is what's most important.
So put aside your little peccadilloes. Put your ego on the shelf. Take a deep breath and remember one thing: you love each other. Everything else doesn't matter.
D, I swear I'll remember these words the next time I'm getting frustrated!
Til next time
Tony
Anyway, I spent a good couple hours debating about what I wanted to write about this time. Was it going to be about decorations, or possible special vehicle choice (more on that at a later date), or be more fashion centric? Naaaaah. I decided it was going to be about something WAY more interesting. Arguments and Misunderstandings!
It's inevitable. You are going to argue about something with the person you're going to marry. They are going to misinterpret something you say, or you're going to misinterpret something they say.
In the interest of full disclosure, and so you don't think I try to make it sound like I have more wisdom than I know what to do with, I can be a dick. I'm stubborn. I'm loud. I'm obnoxious. This makes me especially susceptible to getting into arguments. I tend to misunderstand what someone is trying to say if I feel like they're not being clear enough, and then I escalate. Ask my wonderful fiancee Devon, she will agree with me 100%.
Fortunately, I have found someone who is not a fan of escalation. So, as I am getting worked up, so is she, but she internalizes a lot of things. This makes our arguments not as bad as I've experienced in the past.
In my defense, a lot of times I just need to get my frustrations out and then I'm much more agreeable. I'm not saying that it's right, it's just one way of coping.
Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is this, when you and your future partner-in-marriage are arguing about some detail of the wedding, ask yourself this: Is this really important??
Whether you're arguing about flowers, colors, guests, ANYTHING, does it really matter? Is your marriage going to be much more successful because you won the argument about not inviting weird Cousin Sally? No. It really won't be.
I fall victim to this, just like my fiancee does, just like I'm sure anyone reading this does. These little details about your wedding day are ultimately insignificant. When you look back on your wedding day 10, 20, 50 years from now, you're not going to remember if weird Cousin Sally was there. You won't remember if you went with this photographer over that photographer.
What you will remember, if you've made your marriage successful, is that you married someone who ultimately was an amazing partner in your life. You're going to remember the look in his eye as he said "I do". You're going to remember the tears in her eye as you recited your vows. And, I guarantee this part, you're only going to remember seeing each other as she comes walking down the aisle. No one else is going to exist in that moment except for the two of you.
Remember that: no one else in that moment except for the two of you. THAT is what's most important.
So put aside your little peccadilloes. Put your ego on the shelf. Take a deep breath and remember one thing: you love each other. Everything else doesn't matter.
D, I swear I'll remember these words the next time I'm getting frustrated!
Til next time
Tony
Monday, April 18, 2011
It's All About Location, Location, Location....
I'm going to apologize right from the start, because this is probably going to be the longest of my posts. So yes, you are going to be subjected to more of my ramblings than usual.
Besides what the bride and groom are wearing, two of the biggest decisions that they will make revolves around one subject: Location. Specifically, where are we getting married, and where are we having the reception. Let's be honest, when you first get engaged, that's one of the first things to go through your mind.
For some, and I'm speaking to the majority of the religious amongst you, the decision about where to get married is relatively easy. You're going to have your ceremony at the church that you and your family have always gone to. Usually, for a small donation, your pastor/priest/whoever is more than happy to marry the two of you.
For the rest of you, it becomes a little more difficult. You have to find a place, not only to have your reception, but also one to have your ceremony. It could be a place that has some sentimental value, a place that is just simply "perfect" for what you want, or it could even be in the same location that you're going to have your reception. Let me walk you through the places, and ultimately the decision, that my fiancee and I visited.
So, we knew that we were going to get married somewhere in the Rhode Island area. Yes, we both live in Western MA, but the vast majority of the people we're inviting, be it her family or my friends, live between the Worcester area and down in Rhode Island. It just makes more sense to have the few from the 413 drive to Rhodey than to have everyone under the sun drive to us.
Fortunately, since my wonderful wife-to-be is a bit of an internet research nerd, she was quickly able to cobble together a list of potential nuptial nooks (Ok, I know that was lame, but I was really trying to come up with something besides "wedding locations"). Since we were looking at places in RI, and we live about an hour and a half away, we scheduled all of these places in one day. Yes, that made it a little hectic and fast paced, but it was worth it.
The first place we went to was Arrowhead Acres in Uxbridge, MA. We were met by the owners, Dave and Vicki. First off, they were super nice. Second, they were kind of a cute older couple who had only been married themselves for a couple years. From the outdoor gazebo "altar", to the spacious reception hall, to the general atmosphere, this place had it all from start to finish.
We could have easily had a kick-ass ceremony where we rode up in a hot vehicle(more on that in a later post), then transitioned about 30 feet to a slammin' party that we would have setup. On the downside, just renting the facility was pretty pricey. Since we're paying for this whole thing ourselves, we really had to pay attention to costs. So far, this place was at the TOP of our list.
Next, we went to the Smith Appleby House in Smithfield, RI. It's kind of a museum which my lovely History buff fiancee was all about. It was definitely a nice place, but a little too rustic for me. Everything would have been outdoors, which isn't a bad thing, but it could be if it rains. Granted, there are tents and whatnot, but you're still kind of in the middle of a field. This place kind of ended up on the bottom of our list. A good compromise: We're probably going to take some pictures there (the future wife loves it).
Then we stopped by this awesome Italian restaurant in my girl's hometown of Burrilville, RI, a little place called Bella. The banquet room was pretty nice. Two problems though: we'd have to find a place for the ceremony, and the dance floor was a little small. However, the price was awesome and the food is just as good. I'd definitely recommend it to people who are looking for something a little more traditional and who already have a ceremonial location in mind. The place was a solid #2 in our minds though.
Finally, we came to 12 Acres in Smithfield, RI. We met with the owner and chef, and must I say, we loved him! Not only was the outdoor pavilion pretty sweet, but we could also have the ceremony on the premises. The grounds are beautiful and there are these two trees that we would be getting married between. It's hard to describe, but trust me, you'd love it if you saw it.
Fortunately, the menu, the price, the atmosphere, the location, everything was well within our budget. After some debate, well, maybe more debate than I'm letting on, we decided to go with 12 Acres.
I need to sincerely and seriously state that choosing one location was not a knock on any other location. There were so many good things about each and every place we looked at that we really had a hard time narrowing it down. In an ideal world, I'd love to be able to take my favorite parts of each place and combine them into one. But, this isn't an ideal world and decision have to be made.
However, to anyone reading this who is planning on getting married in the Northern RI area, make sure you add all of the above locations to your lists. No matter the location, you can have your wedding be anything from traditional to non-traditional with ease and be SUPREMELY HAPPY with however it comes out.
For now, since I'm sure you're tired of reading this, and I know I'm sure as hell tired of typing this, this is your NYTGroom.
Peace Out
TC
Besides what the bride and groom are wearing, two of the biggest decisions that they will make revolves around one subject: Location. Specifically, where are we getting married, and where are we having the reception. Let's be honest, when you first get engaged, that's one of the first things to go through your mind.
For some, and I'm speaking to the majority of the religious amongst you, the decision about where to get married is relatively easy. You're going to have your ceremony at the church that you and your family have always gone to. Usually, for a small donation, your pastor/priest/whoever is more than happy to marry the two of you.
For the rest of you, it becomes a little more difficult. You have to find a place, not only to have your reception, but also one to have your ceremony. It could be a place that has some sentimental value, a place that is just simply "perfect" for what you want, or it could even be in the same location that you're going to have your reception. Let me walk you through the places, and ultimately the decision, that my fiancee and I visited.
So, we knew that we were going to get married somewhere in the Rhode Island area. Yes, we both live in Western MA, but the vast majority of the people we're inviting, be it her family or my friends, live between the Worcester area and down in Rhode Island. It just makes more sense to have the few from the 413 drive to Rhodey than to have everyone under the sun drive to us.
Fortunately, since my wonderful wife-to-be is a bit of an internet research nerd, she was quickly able to cobble together a list of potential nuptial nooks (Ok, I know that was lame, but I was really trying to come up with something besides "wedding locations"). Since we were looking at places in RI, and we live about an hour and a half away, we scheduled all of these places in one day. Yes, that made it a little hectic and fast paced, but it was worth it.
The first place we went to was Arrowhead Acres in Uxbridge, MA. We were met by the owners, Dave and Vicki. First off, they were super nice. Second, they were kind of a cute older couple who had only been married themselves for a couple years. From the outdoor gazebo "altar", to the spacious reception hall, to the general atmosphere, this place had it all from start to finish.
We could have easily had a kick-ass ceremony where we rode up in a hot vehicle(more on that in a later post), then transitioned about 30 feet to a slammin' party that we would have setup. On the downside, just renting the facility was pretty pricey. Since we're paying for this whole thing ourselves, we really had to pay attention to costs. So far, this place was at the TOP of our list.
Next, we went to the Smith Appleby House in Smithfield, RI. It's kind of a museum which my lovely History buff fiancee was all about. It was definitely a nice place, but a little too rustic for me. Everything would have been outdoors, which isn't a bad thing, but it could be if it rains. Granted, there are tents and whatnot, but you're still kind of in the middle of a field. This place kind of ended up on the bottom of our list. A good compromise: We're probably going to take some pictures there (the future wife loves it).
Then we stopped by this awesome Italian restaurant in my girl's hometown of Burrilville, RI, a little place called Bella. The banquet room was pretty nice. Two problems though: we'd have to find a place for the ceremony, and the dance floor was a little small. However, the price was awesome and the food is just as good. I'd definitely recommend it to people who are looking for something a little more traditional and who already have a ceremonial location in mind. The place was a solid #2 in our minds though.
Finally, we came to 12 Acres in Smithfield, RI. We met with the owner and chef, and must I say, we loved him! Not only was the outdoor pavilion pretty sweet, but we could also have the ceremony on the premises. The grounds are beautiful and there are these two trees that we would be getting married between. It's hard to describe, but trust me, you'd love it if you saw it.
Fortunately, the menu, the price, the atmosphere, the location, everything was well within our budget. After some debate, well, maybe more debate than I'm letting on, we decided to go with 12 Acres.
I need to sincerely and seriously state that choosing one location was not a knock on any other location. There were so many good things about each and every place we looked at that we really had a hard time narrowing it down. In an ideal world, I'd love to be able to take my favorite parts of each place and combine them into one. But, this isn't an ideal world and decision have to be made.
However, to anyone reading this who is planning on getting married in the Northern RI area, make sure you add all of the above locations to your lists. No matter the location, you can have your wedding be anything from traditional to non-traditional with ease and be SUPREMELY HAPPY with however it comes out.
For now, since I'm sure you're tired of reading this, and I know I'm sure as hell tired of typing this, this is your NYTGroom.
Peace Out
TC
Friday, April 1, 2011
Music - Band or DJ???
So, in the inevitable planning process you may be going through for your wedding, you are going to be faced with one VERY IMPORTANT DECISION: Band or DJ??
Let's face it, in today's day and age, music is an essential part of everyone's life. You can't walk down the street, or through a mall, or even an office building, without seeing at least a dozen people listening to their iPod. The advent of MP3's has made our music collections so portable that we can carry TONS of music with us at all times.
Hell, I've got enough music on my iPhone alone to never repeat a song for 4 days. That's right, a continuous 96 hours. All on my phone. You're jealous. I know you are.
But, back to the whole point of this post. Since music is so important in everybody's life, you have to seriously ask yourself how you want that music at your own wedding. Are you going to want a DJ or a full band? People want two things at a wedding: food and good dancing music. So, let me go through a few of the plusses and minuses for both DJs and bands.
Again, going back to the whole portability of music collections, a DJ will have THOUSANDS of songs at his/her disposal. You will be able to hear all of your favorite songs as they were played and recorded by your favorite artists. This is HIGHLY appealing to a lot of people. Not only that, there is a lot of variety that can be had with much less effort.
That's a huge plus for a DJ. However, there is a huge minus that can come along with having a DJ: the DJ VOICE. You know what it is. That really FAKE tone of voice, and he says the absolute DUMBEST things. Do you really want that at your wedding? I know I don't.
You know what I also don't want? The chicken dance. That song, "We are Family". I have no desire for all of that typical wedding, boring-ass, songs. And if you don't explicitly state that to your DJ, he WILL play them. I guarantee it.
So, maybe you decide to have a band. That's also a great choice. You get to have a band where, if they're a good band, they have a chemistry that will just spread to your entire reception. It can be pretty infectious if the band is just feeding off each other. That energy will spread to each and every person who is in that room.
Unfortunately, the chances of having a very wide range of music that they can play is very small. Also, even the best wedding bands might know only a few hundred songs. That might sound like a lot, but I can guarantee you that majority of those songs will be ones you may not want to hear. To know that many songs, you have to cater to the "popular".
Look at the Top 40 charts over the past few years. You know all those songs you've just become SICK OF? Those are the songs that the band will most likely know. To be honest, there is no amount of chemistry that a band can have that will make me like Lady Gaga. Guaranteed.
Also, and this might be specific to me, I know I could never have a live band at my wedding because I would be picking them apart the entire night. Being a musician myself, I tend to over-analyze any other band I see. I have no desire to be doing that all night.
Additionally, if there were a live band, I would probably get so fed up with them that I would have the guys in my own band take over their instruments and we'd play an impromptu concert. While that would be kind of awesome, I kind of want to spend my wedding day with my wife and not on stage.
So, I think it goes without saying that my wife-to-be and I are going to have a DJ. Also, it's so much easier for me to shake my ass with the wide range of music a DJ has. And as long as I'm dancing, and my future in-laws are dancing, everything's gonna be all right!
Let's face it, in today's day and age, music is an essential part of everyone's life. You can't walk down the street, or through a mall, or even an office building, without seeing at least a dozen people listening to their iPod. The advent of MP3's has made our music collections so portable that we can carry TONS of music with us at all times.
Hell, I've got enough music on my iPhone alone to never repeat a song for 4 days. That's right, a continuous 96 hours. All on my phone. You're jealous. I know you are.
But, back to the whole point of this post. Since music is so important in everybody's life, you have to seriously ask yourself how you want that music at your own wedding. Are you going to want a DJ or a full band? People want two things at a wedding: food and good dancing music. So, let me go through a few of the plusses and minuses for both DJs and bands.
Again, going back to the whole portability of music collections, a DJ will have THOUSANDS of songs at his/her disposal. You will be able to hear all of your favorite songs as they were played and recorded by your favorite artists. This is HIGHLY appealing to a lot of people. Not only that, there is a lot of variety that can be had with much less effort.
That's a huge plus for a DJ. However, there is a huge minus that can come along with having a DJ: the DJ VOICE. You know what it is. That really FAKE tone of voice, and he says the absolute DUMBEST things. Do you really want that at your wedding? I know I don't.
You know what I also don't want? The chicken dance. That song, "We are Family". I have no desire for all of that typical wedding, boring-ass, songs. And if you don't explicitly state that to your DJ, he WILL play them. I guarantee it.
So, maybe you decide to have a band. That's also a great choice. You get to have a band where, if they're a good band, they have a chemistry that will just spread to your entire reception. It can be pretty infectious if the band is just feeding off each other. That energy will spread to each and every person who is in that room.
Unfortunately, the chances of having a very wide range of music that they can play is very small. Also, even the best wedding bands might know only a few hundred songs. That might sound like a lot, but I can guarantee you that majority of those songs will be ones you may not want to hear. To know that many songs, you have to cater to the "popular".
Look at the Top 40 charts over the past few years. You know all those songs you've just become SICK OF? Those are the songs that the band will most likely know. To be honest, there is no amount of chemistry that a band can have that will make me like Lady Gaga. Guaranteed.
Also, and this might be specific to me, I know I could never have a live band at my wedding because I would be picking them apart the entire night. Being a musician myself, I tend to over-analyze any other band I see. I have no desire to be doing that all night.
Additionally, if there were a live band, I would probably get so fed up with them that I would have the guys in my own band take over their instruments and we'd play an impromptu concert. While that would be kind of awesome, I kind of want to spend my wedding day with my wife and not on stage.
So, I think it goes without saying that my wife-to-be and I are going to have a DJ. Also, it's so much easier for me to shake my ass with the wide range of music a DJ has. And as long as I'm dancing, and my future in-laws are dancing, everything's gonna be all right!
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Your wedding should be perfect, right?
Oh, hi. NYTGroom's fiancee, here. And I'm here to tell you that this wedding is MY day, and NO ONE can take that away from me. MY DAY. The day I have been DREAMING about since I was FIVE. And I want EVERYTHING I have been dreaming of. It has to be PERFECT. Sorry, groom. You don't get a say - it's not like you've been dreaming of your wedding since you were a little boy, right?
Hold up. When you say it like that, it sounds pretty ridiculous, doesn't it? Unfortunately, I think that's the mindset of many brides as they approach their wedding planning. (The TV show Bridezillas is obviously an extreme, and of course reality TV skews and plays to the audience, but it's a pretty good cultural reference for what I'm talking about here.) I think we have some things to blame for this, most notably: a) the patriarchy and b) unchecked capitalism.
Women are told since they are small that they are supposed to dream of a giant, expensive, poofy, perfect wedding day. Why are we told this? Probably so we'll spend a fuckload of money on that day and keep the wedding industry afloat. (Interestingly, similar to the reason we're told we're too fat no matter what - so we'll keep the diet industry from crashing.) It also fits with gender stereotypes - women are the ones who want to settle down.
Little boys aren't told this because they're supposed to view marriage as some sort of ball-and-chain deal - sow your wild oats, boys, and then finally find a girl you can bring home to mom. Marriage isn't supposed to be fun for men - it's just something they ultimately get roped into. Exhibit A:
For me, being a non-traditional bride means not buying into these stereotypes and expectations. I'd never marry someone who thought marriage was a "game over." I'd also never go into a wedding planning process excluding one of the people getting married. I expect Tony will be a big part of this process, and I welcome that. I can't wait to argue with him about our recessional music.
And finally, I don't have any illusions about my wedding day being perfect. No day is perfect, and that's okay. Shit will go wrong. It might rain. Maybe the white rubber on my converse will get scuffed. Probably the food won't be gourmet, because it's going to be cheap. I don't give a flying fuck about what the invitations look like.
Whatever. Honestly, I'm more interested in planning a successful marriage than I am in planning a successful wedding. Of course I want to throw an awesome party, but the most important part of the day is getting to marry someone I love with all my heart. If everything else went wrong but that went right, it would be okay. I'm ready to roll with the punches, and I'm not willing to spend 20K to make sure that every last bit of everything is perfect. As long as both Tony and I show up, we're golden.
Recommendation: Everyone in the wedding planning process should read One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding by Rebecca Mead. It's super eye-opening.
Hold up. When you say it like that, it sounds pretty ridiculous, doesn't it? Unfortunately, I think that's the mindset of many brides as they approach their wedding planning. (The TV show Bridezillas is obviously an extreme, and of course reality TV skews and plays to the audience, but it's a pretty good cultural reference for what I'm talking about here.) I think we have some things to blame for this, most notably: a) the patriarchy and b) unchecked capitalism.
Women are told since they are small that they are supposed to dream of a giant, expensive, poofy, perfect wedding day. Why are we told this? Probably so we'll spend a fuckload of money on that day and keep the wedding industry afloat. (Interestingly, similar to the reason we're told we're too fat no matter what - so we'll keep the diet industry from crashing.) It also fits with gender stereotypes - women are the ones who want to settle down.
Little boys aren't told this because they're supposed to view marriage as some sort of ball-and-chain deal - sow your wild oats, boys, and then finally find a girl you can bring home to mom. Marriage isn't supposed to be fun for men - it's just something they ultimately get roped into. Exhibit A:
For me, being a non-traditional bride means not buying into these stereotypes and expectations. I'd never marry someone who thought marriage was a "game over." I'd also never go into a wedding planning process excluding one of the people getting married. I expect Tony will be a big part of this process, and I welcome that. I can't wait to argue with him about our recessional music.
And finally, I don't have any illusions about my wedding day being perfect. No day is perfect, and that's okay. Shit will go wrong. It might rain. Maybe the white rubber on my converse will get scuffed. Probably the food won't be gourmet, because it's going to be cheap. I don't give a flying fuck about what the invitations look like.
Whatever. Honestly, I'm more interested in planning a successful marriage than I am in planning a successful wedding. Of course I want to throw an awesome party, but the most important part of the day is getting to marry someone I love with all my heart. If everything else went wrong but that went right, it would be okay. I'm ready to roll with the punches, and I'm not willing to spend 20K to make sure that every last bit of everything is perfect. As long as both Tony and I show up, we're golden.
Recommendation: Everyone in the wedding planning process should read One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding by Rebecca Mead. It's super eye-opening.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
A sensitive subject which WEIGHS us all down
Welcome back to NYTGroom!! My wonderful fiancee pointed out to me tonight that NYT, in addition to standing for Not Your Traditional, could also stand for New York Times. To which I replied, "I know". It was somewhat intentional. I was kind of hoping that someone Googling the New York Times would come across this blog. Yes. I'm sneaky.
Anyway, back to the real reason for my post tonight. This is a very sensitive issue for a lot of people in the world. The issue of weight. Invariably, whenever someone tells you that they're getting married, someone, whether it be that person or the one they're telling, will mention having to lose a few pounds. But, why does it have to be that way?
First off, whether you are a bride or groom, having someone else tell you that you need to lose a few pounds before your wedding is exceptionally insulting. It's kind of rude. Not to mention the fact that it adds MORE anxiety on top of a situation in which there is already a ton to begin with.
Think about it. There's so much that's going to be going on during the wedding day. Hair, makeup, getting dressed, walking down the aisle, making sure you repeat back exactly what's asked of you, that first kiss after you're married in front of all those people, the first dance, the cake smooshing into a face. It's a lot of friggin pressure.
The last thing anyone wants on top of that is: "Should I have lost that last 5 pounds?"
Here's the thing. Why do you have to lose that "last 5 pounds"? What does it really represent? Is it going to make your dress fit better? Are you going to look slimmer in that suit/whatever?
The simple answer is: NO.
Final fittings for wedding dresses are typically a couple weeks before the wedding. You know what's going to happen if you lose more weight between that fitting and the wedding? Your dress will not fit right. It'll be too big.
For guys, it's actually kind of worse. If you're wearing a tux, you get fitted for that anywhere from weeks to months before the big day. Then, magically, your tux shows up at the rental shop a day or two before your wedding. That 5 pounds just brought you from a nicely fitting tux that you're wearing, to a nicely looking tux that is wearing you.
What I'm trying to get at is that it doesn't matter if you lose those 5 pounds or gain them. Who cares? As long as you're happy with who you are, nothing else is important. So, maybe you don't "fit" into that stereotypical vision of what a modern day wedding is.
I know I won't! And I'm perfectly happy with that. You should be too. You, and I'm speaking to whoever may be reading this, are an AWESOME person! Fat, skinny, tall, short, it doesn't matter. You rock and you should NEVER let someone else's vision of "ideal" screw with your own.
Peace
Tony
Anyway, back to the real reason for my post tonight. This is a very sensitive issue for a lot of people in the world. The issue of weight. Invariably, whenever someone tells you that they're getting married, someone, whether it be that person or the one they're telling, will mention having to lose a few pounds. But, why does it have to be that way?
First off, whether you are a bride or groom, having someone else tell you that you need to lose a few pounds before your wedding is exceptionally insulting. It's kind of rude. Not to mention the fact that it adds MORE anxiety on top of a situation in which there is already a ton to begin with.
Think about it. There's so much that's going to be going on during the wedding day. Hair, makeup, getting dressed, walking down the aisle, making sure you repeat back exactly what's asked of you, that first kiss after you're married in front of all those people, the first dance, the cake smooshing into a face. It's a lot of friggin pressure.
The last thing anyone wants on top of that is: "Should I have lost that last 5 pounds?"
Here's the thing. Why do you have to lose that "last 5 pounds"? What does it really represent? Is it going to make your dress fit better? Are you going to look slimmer in that suit/whatever?
The simple answer is: NO.
Final fittings for wedding dresses are typically a couple weeks before the wedding. You know what's going to happen if you lose more weight between that fitting and the wedding? Your dress will not fit right. It'll be too big.
For guys, it's actually kind of worse. If you're wearing a tux, you get fitted for that anywhere from weeks to months before the big day. Then, magically, your tux shows up at the rental shop a day or two before your wedding. That 5 pounds just brought you from a nicely fitting tux that you're wearing, to a nicely looking tux that is wearing you.
What I'm trying to get at is that it doesn't matter if you lose those 5 pounds or gain them. Who cares? As long as you're happy with who you are, nothing else is important. So, maybe you don't "fit" into that stereotypical vision of what a modern day wedding is.
I know I won't! And I'm perfectly happy with that. You should be too. You, and I'm speaking to whoever may be reading this, are an AWESOME person! Fat, skinny, tall, short, it doesn't matter. You rock and you should NEVER let someone else's vision of "ideal" screw with your own.
Peace
Tony
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
NYT Groom Fashion. aka "I don't wanna wear a tux!!!!"
Ok, I know it's been about an hour since I made my first post, but I just couldn't help myself tonight. This post is going to be all about Groom Fashion. I know for a lot of guys, hearing themselves associated with fashion in any way does not conjure pleasant thoughts. However, think about it this way guys: Your wife to be is going to look absolutely STUNNING in her wedding dress. Don't you kind of want to at least TRY to get up to her level?
Anyway, for most guys, when they think of getting married, they just figure they'll rent a tux with a vest that matches the colors of the whole wedding. Now, don't get me wrong. This is a purely acceptable way to go about your planning for your big day. You will most likely look like this:
But, if you're reading this blog, you don't want to look like that. The main thing I'm going to stress to you, no matter what you decide to wear, is to BE COMFORTABLE. You may be used to wearing suits and tuxes and this will be a walk in the park for you. Not so for a lot of guys.
Now, I've been known to wear a suit before. If I may toot my own horn, I look damn GOOD in a suit. But, to quote a good friend of mine, "You gotta do you." What does that mean? Well, if you don't normally wear a suit, why should you wear one on one of your most important days? Because someone said it has to be formal?? Psshhhhht!
I'm still working on what I'm going to wear to my own wedding, but I do know one very important thing. These are the shoes I'm wearing:
Yes. Converse mother-f'ing CHUCK TAYLOR'S!!!! Why? Two reasons.
1. I'm a rock star. Well, maybe not a big time rock star, but if you read my first post, you know I'm a musician in a hard rock band. We're awesome, and you know it. You also know that my bride-to-be and I are planning a "rock & roll" motif for our nuptials. What's more "Rock" than a pair of Chuck's??
2. I'm a dancing fool. Some people say it looks like I know how to dance. I just move to the music however it tells me to. If I'm going to be dancing all night, I want something comfortable on my feet. Remember how I said "BE COMFORTABLE"? This is why.
Again, some guys will want to wear a tux with very nice dress shoes. That's perfectly acceptable, and in a lot of circles expected. But again, that's not me. No matter what you do, be comfortable and enjoy your day.
I know I'm going to enjoy mine!!!
Peace
Tony
Anyway, for most guys, when they think of getting married, they just figure they'll rent a tux with a vest that matches the colors of the whole wedding. Now, don't get me wrong. This is a purely acceptable way to go about your planning for your big day. You will most likely look like this:
But, if you're reading this blog, you don't want to look like that. The main thing I'm going to stress to you, no matter what you decide to wear, is to BE COMFORTABLE. You may be used to wearing suits and tuxes and this will be a walk in the park for you. Not so for a lot of guys.
Now, I've been known to wear a suit before. If I may toot my own horn, I look damn GOOD in a suit. But, to quote a good friend of mine, "You gotta do you." What does that mean? Well, if you don't normally wear a suit, why should you wear one on one of your most important days? Because someone said it has to be formal?? Psshhhhht!
I'm still working on what I'm going to wear to my own wedding, but I do know one very important thing. These are the shoes I'm wearing:
Yes. Converse mother-f'ing CHUCK TAYLOR'S!!!! Why? Two reasons.
1. I'm a rock star. Well, maybe not a big time rock star, but if you read my first post, you know I'm a musician in a hard rock band. We're awesome, and you know it. You also know that my bride-to-be and I are planning a "rock & roll" motif for our nuptials. What's more "Rock" than a pair of Chuck's??
2. I'm a dancing fool. Some people say it looks like I know how to dance. I just move to the music however it tells me to. If I'm going to be dancing all night, I want something comfortable on my feet. Remember how I said "BE COMFORTABLE"? This is why.
Again, some guys will want to wear a tux with very nice dress shoes. That's perfectly acceptable, and in a lot of circles expected. But again, that's not me. No matter what you do, be comfortable and enjoy your day.
I know I'm going to enjoy mine!!!
Peace
Tony
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