Your wedding should be perfect, right?

Oh, hi. NYTGroom's fiancee, here. And I'm here to tell you that this wedding is MY day, and NO ONE can take that away from me. MY DAY. The day I have been DREAMING about since I was FIVE. And I want EVERYTHING I have been dreaming of. It has to be PERFECT. Sorry, groom. You don't get a say - it's not like you've been dreaming of your wedding since you were a little boy, right?

Hold up. When you say it like that, it sounds pretty ridiculous, doesn't it? Unfortunately, I think that's the mindset of many brides as they approach their wedding planning. (The TV show Bridezillas is obviously an extreme, and of course reality TV skews and plays to the audience, but it's a pretty good cultural reference for what I'm talking about here.) I think we have some things to blame for this, most notably: a) the patriarchy and b) unchecked capitalism.

Women are told since they are small that they are supposed to dream of a giant, expensive, poofy, perfect wedding day. Why are we told this? Probably so we'll spend a fuckload of money on that day and keep the wedding industry afloat. (Interestingly, similar to the reason we're told we're too fat no matter what - so we'll keep the diet industry from crashing.) It also fits with gender stereotypes - women are the ones who want to settle down.

Little boys aren't told this because they're supposed to view marriage as some sort of ball-and-chain deal - sow your wild oats, boys, and then finally find a girl you can bring home to mom. Marriage isn't supposed to be fun for men - it's just something they ultimately get roped into. Exhibit A:

For me, being a non-traditional bride means not buying into these stereotypes and expectations. I'd never marry someone who thought marriage was a "game over." I'd also never go into a wedding planning process excluding one of the people getting married. I expect Tony will be a big part of this process, and I welcome that. I can't wait to argue with him about our recessional music.

And finally, I don't have any illusions about my wedding day being perfect. No day is perfect, and that's okay. Shit will go wrong. It might rain. Maybe the white rubber on my converse will get scuffed. Probably the food won't be gourmet, because it's going to be cheap. I don't give a flying fuck about what the invitations look like.

Whatever. Honestly, I'm more interested in planning a successful marriage than I am in planning a successful wedding. Of course I want to throw an awesome party, but the most important part of the day is getting to marry someone I love with all my heart. If everything else went wrong but that went right, it would be okay. I'm ready to roll with the punches, and I'm not willing to spend 20K to make sure that every last bit of everything is perfect. As long as both Tony and I show up, we're golden.

Recommendation: Everyone in the wedding planning process should read One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding by Rebecca Mead. It's super eye-opening.